my new direction.

(No, this post isn't about the season premier of Glee because I MISSED IT!)

This post IS about the future of my little blog.

A few months ago (right before I turned 25), I made a list of 30 things I'd like to do, and see, and learn, and accomplish before I turn 30. Some are simple, some nearly impossible, but I thought all of them would be fun to blog about. (Plus, that would keep me accountable, AND actually give me something to write about.)

I'd also like to come out of my bloggy closet and actually invite people to read this thing if they feel like it.

In order to do that, though, I feel like I need to start with a clean slate. I'm not sure who I've been considering my audience over the last year or so (a few of my favorite people from camp, I suppose), but I think I might approach this thing a little differently with everyone I know in mind while I write. (Does that sentence make any sense??)

ANYWAY! Over the next week or so, I am going to either delete OR find out if there's a way to privately archive all of my previous posts. So, if you feel the need to revisit my rant about my period DO IT NOW!

Consider this your warning, and thanks for staying along for the ride.

my bloody euphemism.

Tonight I made an emergency run to the Giant Eagle. Perhaps this is too much self-disclosure, but emergency runs, for me, mean one of three things. One, the cat needs food. Two, the cat needs litter. Three-- choose your favorite euphemism for "my period has arrived." (You can find the most extensive list here.)

Anyway, it was number three, and I was preparing to run my bag of monthly products (hygiene-products, Advil, pita chips) through the self checkout (cause I'm 12 years-old). I scanned my Advantage Card, and immediately(!) the coupon printer creates TWO advertisements for Always Ultra Thin Pads. This raises a few thoughts that I wanted to share with you, the internet.

First of all, how, how HOW did it know?! I understand that Giant Eagle keeps track of your purchasing habits to print coupons, but is it possible that the Big Bird ALSO keeps track of my cycle? My body is nearly clock-like, so it wouldn't be difficult, but--hmm-- nah! they can't!

Or, can they?

Also, these were not coupons. A coupon would be great. I don't understand why Always feels the need to advertise. It's not like I have much of a choice in the matter. (Except my $40 DivaCup that I have never used. I wonder if there's a market for not-quite-used DivaCups...) If I have to buy these once a month, I would appreciate $.50 off. But, no coupons for me, tonight, only coupon-sized greeting cards wishing me "a happy period."

Yeah, Always, you know what? When you start giving out coupons, I'LL have a happy period. Guaranteed.

my diagnosis.

Criteria for Major School Procrastination Episode

A. Three (or more) of the following symptoms must be present during the same semester, and represent a change from previous functioning:

Note: Do not include symptoms that are present between the months of May and August, or immediately before or after a holiday.

1. Excessive complaining about upcoming test, project, paper, or presentation.

2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all activities surrounding coursework.

3. Excessive consumption of two or more of the following the night before the due date: coffee, chai, baked goods, chocolate, cheez-its, hummus.

4. Inappropriate feelings of impending failure. Individual must recognize that these feelings are excessive or unreasonable.

5. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, nearly every day.

6. Recurrent thoughts of skipping class, leaving school, or becoming a hippie.

B. Cycling occurrences of the following, one or two nights prior to the due date:

1. 15 minutes of studying or writing.

2. 20 minutes of Facebooking.

3. 5 minutes of tea-drinking.

4. 3 minutes of dancing to Mika, Queen, or The Jackson Five. (Do not include if dancing is related to coursework, OR displays even a little bit of talent.)

C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or recreational areas of functioning.

D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition.

my gugan.

[It's been 5 months since my Grandma Kells died, and I've been meaning to post this, but I haven't been ready. I'll never be.

This is only the second half of an entry in my paper journal-- seriously, who still has those?! It's from when she was admitted into the hospital for the first time two years ago.]

This is an old photo of my grandparents, my aunt carol, her husband, their four children, my mom, my brother, and me. (My dad was probably the photographer.)

Gugan has made it her purpose to care for people who need it. Her whole life has been devoted to helping others. She told me that when she was a kid, she lived wherever they needed her.

She moved around as a young person, caring for family members who needed help. She didn't finish school because she was needed to help raise a family.

She cared for her siblings and her siblings' children, and her own children, and then, finally, her children's children.

Me and my little brother.

She made us a million lunches-- she even strained the mushrooms out the mushroom soup for me. She walked me to the creek down the street and we wrote my name in the sand. She removed a million splinters, and threatened to use a wooded spoon to give us a million more if we didn't behave.

She sat with us on the porch swing and sang You Are My Sunshine, and Away In A Manger, and Jesus Loves Me--over and over and over-- as long as we wanted.

I remember I used to ride home from church with her, and she told me she was never afraid of dying because she believed in Jesus.

Lots of people would say that she shared the gospel with me in her car, I'd argue she had done that a million times before...

She shared with me the gospel of love your neighbor as yourself, and let the little children come to me and whatever you do to the least of my children, you do to me as well.

Well done, good and faithful servant.

And to everyone else: go and do likewise.

my swan song

A few of my favorite family campers wrote this song for me and I wanted to share it because it was so cute! It's sung to the tune of "Pharaoh, Pharaoh" which is sung to the tune of "Louie, Louie..."

Bangor told me the other day
She was in the office and could not play.
She started as a camper many years ago.
She's had many jobs but it's time to go!

Chorus: Bangor, Bangor! Oh, Mandy, please don't go! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)

So me and my family go to Family Camp.
It's been raining all week and we're really damp.
Not from the rain, but from our tears,
Cause Bangor's gonna leave after all these years!

Chorus: Bangor, Bangor! Oh, Mandy, please don't go! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)

Well, Ryan Ebner's leavin', too!
What do you think that they should do?
They should return as family campers next year!
Here's your invitation to join us here!

Chorus: Ebner, Ebner! (And Bangor!) Oh, Ryan (and Mandy!) Please don't go! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)

my everyday low tolerance

I don't shop at Walmart for numerous reasons. A handful are ethical, but the MAJORITY of my beef with Wally World is pure and simple annoyance. I hate the crowded aisles. Everything feels dirty and disorganized. I can never find what I need. I'm afraid of being dive-bombed by a ceiling-bird.

I never feel content after a trip to Walmart. Unlike Target which makes me feel good about my consumerism, Walmart gives me a headache and makes me cranky. [On second thought, maybe I SHOULD shop there. I'd spend way less money...]

AND, it happens as soon as I walk in the door.

Has anyone else noticed that the 'enter' and 'exit' doors are on the wrong sides? Take a look at it the next time you are about to enter a Walmart [which hopefully isn't anytime soon]. Usually, in the United States, you walk/drive on the right side of the road. Walmart completely disrupts this by having the door you want on the LEFT side. I have had many, many, near-collisions because of Walmart's unnatural door placement. [And my stubborn refusal to go in the left-hand door.]

If anyone can tell me why the doors are on the wrong side, I will be grateful. Until then, I will not be shopping at Walmart. So, there.

[with a little help from] my friends

There are days when I am overwhelmed by my friends. I am always proud of them for being the most talented and intelligent and hilarious and beautiful people on Planet Earth. I am always amazed that they put up with me despite my cranky-ness and inability to return phone calls. I always appreciate them.

But some days, I am so thankful I can barely stand it.

I felt this way on Thursday night after eating my weight in fondue, baked brie, bread, fruit, and homemade ice-cream with two of my closest [and oldest] friends. Time with these girls always results in renewed energy, sore cheeks [from laughing], full bellies, and inspiration to live and appreciate life fully.

My fondue-high was still strong at the post office the next morning when the postmaster handed me a heavy little package from Jerusalem...

The photo doesn't do the package justice. It almost put me over the edge when I opened it. There are almost TWENTY Kinder Bueno bars and the sandals are made of camel leather. I don't know how much it cost to ship, but this box was HEAVY! I don't think I can say 'thank you' enough for this ridiculous gift and this ridiculous friendship. Thank you. [I tried to say it in Swabian, but I think it would just be German... :)]

my new trick

I am an old dog, but I can still learn to roll over for a treat.

Or a seriously discounted snowboard.

It was the end of August when my mom sent me this text: "Do you have any interest in learning to snowboard? There's a woman at work who is selling one for $150. It was only used once and the boots are your size."

I was still wearing flip-flops at this point, so I wasn't really thinking about freezing my fingers off on the mountain, but I told her I'd buy it and resell it if I suck. [I found out later that the con-woman had already bought the board, but wasn't going to tell me until I agreed to cough up the $150.]

I am a moderately competent skier and have been skiing for most of my life, so when I took my snowboard to Hidden Valley this weekend, I had forgotten how demoralizing it is to learn. I was on my face at least 15 times on the first run. At one point, I was laying with my face in the snow, with the wind knocked out of me, unsure if my left arm was still connected to the left side of my body...

...and I was laughing so hard that there were frozen tears sticking to my face. It was so exciting for me to be completely defeated. And cold. And wet. And in pain.

Aristotle said: we cannot learn without pain.

So, I must have been learning a lot. [I was learning yesterday too, and still must be learning today!]

Every run was a little bit better, and by the end of the night I could make it down the big kid slope without falling. I'll be keeping the board.

By the way, I learned that Burton Snowboards are among the best you can buy. And, that the entire package (board, boots, bindings) can go for anything between $500 and $1000+. I got a serious discount. I really gotta learn to roll over.

my funny valentine

Alright, all you single ladies. I'm going to need you to put your hands down for just a minute.

Take one hand and put it around your favorite pint of the tastiest hippies in Vermont, while your free hand tunes your iPOD to the national anthem of the People's Republic of Single.

That's right. It's Saint Valentine's Day.

I have had 23 years to perfect the art of being a single person on February 14th. I've loathed it, been disgusted by it, and ignored it completely. In some of my finest moments, I've renamed it "vomit day." Year-after-year, I would dread its coming, and year-after-bloody-year it would arrive with its over-priced flowers and hideous winged baby.

This year, I decided not to let the day get the best of me. I don't need a ring or a different Facebook status to love and appreciate the fact that I. am. loved.

This February 14 I...

...finished the final 150 pages of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which is quite the accomplishment if you ask me. Never mind the fact that millions of 5th graders have read these books, eight hundred pages is MASSIVE.

...cleaned the shack from top to bottom.

...danced barefoot to Love Song For No One. [Some traditions are too fun to abandon.]

...got dressed up [which really made me wonder what, exactly, all of you y-chromosomed fools are looking for] and went to the symphony with my grandparents and one of my favorite Genevans.


It was a good day. I'm glad I finally allowed myself to enjoy it. I hope you did, too.

I love you!



Oh, and you can go ahead and put those hands back up. Woah oh ohhh...