my bloody euphemism.

Tonight I made an emergency run to the Giant Eagle. Perhaps this is too much self-disclosure, but emergency runs, for me, mean one of three things. One, the cat needs food. Two, the cat needs litter. Three-- choose your favorite euphemism for "my period has arrived." (You can find the most extensive list here.)

Anyway, it was number three, and I was preparing to run my bag of monthly products (hygiene-products, Advil, pita chips) through the self checkout (cause I'm 12 years-old). I scanned my Advantage Card, and immediately(!) the coupon printer creates TWO advertisements for Always Ultra Thin Pads. This raises a few thoughts that I wanted to share with you, the internet.

First of all, how, how HOW did it know?! I understand that Giant Eagle keeps track of your purchasing habits to print coupons, but is it possible that the Big Bird ALSO keeps track of my cycle? My body is nearly clock-like, so it wouldn't be difficult, but--hmm-- nah! they can't!

Or, can they?

Also, these were not coupons. A coupon would be great. I don't understand why Always feels the need to advertise. It's not like I have much of a choice in the matter. (Except my $40 DivaCup that I have never used. I wonder if there's a market for not-quite-used DivaCups...) If I have to buy these once a month, I would appreciate $.50 off. But, no coupons for me, tonight, only coupon-sized greeting cards wishing me "a happy period."

Yeah, Always, you know what? When you start giving out coupons, I'LL have a happy period. Guaranteed.


  1. You crack me up! A few stories/thoughts to share with you:
    1. I asked my Dr. about the "Diva Cup" and she (and the nurse) looked at each other like I was crazy. I explained it and she said "I haven't heard of this so I will have to do some research but it doesn't sound like a good idea to me".
    2. Wouldn't it be cool if you could schedule automatic pad deliveries/refills like you can prescriptions? My prescription is set for automatic refill so, once a month, they ship it to me and put the co-pay on my credit card automatically. We could start a business together Bangor.... we can ship pads and tampons to women 1 week prior to their period each month for a small fee. We can add this service to our "folded potato chip" business! BRILLIANT!!
    3. When Jeff and I were getting married I asked if we should get our advantage cards combined. He laughed and says "you mean big brother". I had no idea what he was talking about. He goes into this whole rant about Giant Eagle tracking our purchases and keeping "an eye on us" to entise us to shop there. Wouldn't you know, within our first year of marriage one of his students who worked at GetGo (Giant Eagle's gas station) managed to get our Social Security Numbers, address, & phone number (along with all of his other teachers) just by typing the names into the cash register/computer at the gas station. What the crap?? Giant Eagle had to pay for identity theft insurance for all of the families that this kid "researched". Not worth ten cents off per gallon!

  2. P.S. That link to the list of euphemisms is HILLARIOUS!!!

  3. Just to include my two cents for everyone... I LOVE my DivaCup!!

    And also, that is totally creepy that Giant Eagle has all that info about you. That's why I shop at a co-op!

  4. PS - apparently I figured out how to change my internet settings so it will let me comment now! woohoo!

  5. I just learned something new... I have never before heard of diva cups. Interesting. Wierd!

  6. 1. I can't believe you posted about this!
    2. I LOVE my diva cup, though I haven't had to use it for a LONG time. Hmm... I probably need the one designed for women who have give birth. Crap. Anyone want a very used small Diva Cup? hahaha, gag, hahaha!
    3. Deb your idea is BRILLIANT! Can I get in on that?
    4. Really, a happy period notice from Always? Wierd.